3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
