sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
