Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
