i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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