If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Boobs are out for the taking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize