tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
