Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
