is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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