i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
