I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
