There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
