Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
