She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
