they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
