Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
