I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
