yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
