Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
