her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
