Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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