I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
