Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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