somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
