I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
