I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
