I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
