I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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