Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
