My friends, they love my intelligence
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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