We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
