she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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