Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My liver just had a heart attack.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
