I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
