It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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