does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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