just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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