using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize