Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my liver is dry heaving
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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