Barsexuality is the new black.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize