my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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