Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
