Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
