How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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