guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
