she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
