All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
