I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
