Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
