Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
