I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
