Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
