I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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