I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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