I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I touched a dick in church today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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