I love black thongs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
