i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
