I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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