dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
