i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love having hate sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
