im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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